Falling in and out of love. I console myself with the fact that I'm the kind of person who doesn't really need anyone, who lives for individual experience and pleasure... like Cecile and her father in Bonjour Tristesse. For the most part, my interest in people is fleeting and I rarely form attachments (I blame the assortment of people around me, not necessarily a lack of interest in people themselves). However, I love when I meet someone that I can't get enough of. In these instances I don't mind the commitment, as long as it is not a game. I'm not one to waste time- I'm in the relationship because I want to be, and will exit whenever I lose interest or, though not likely, find interest in another. I expect the same from the person I am with. For me, this is what makes a relationship worth being in: when both partners make the effort, and find it rewarding, to keep each other interested and satisfied.
In my experience, this seems like too high of an expectation. Is it really too much to ask for an effort for activity and excitement, for 'CONSTANT VIGILANCE!!!' in all areas of life, not just relationships? I don't think so!
I suppose I can only expect so much from myself, and maybe eventually I will attract someone similar. If not, I guess this will be a blog post In Memoriam and I will live forever alone because boys are useless ...OR I will focus my attentions on women, though I have yet to meet any in real life that I've found enrapturing BUT not to lose all hope, it is completely plausible that one day some miraculous circumstance will occur that will allow me to meet Zoe Bell (circa Death Proof W-O-W)... or identical to the movie A Room in Rome, I'll travel to Europe where whilst at a bar, a sexy female engineer will seduce me and lead me to her extravagant hotel room. We'll cry and confess suppressed memories and eventually I'll abandon my Russian fiance.
